A little bit of my thoughts and whats going on in the world and not just my head

my thoughts November 16, 2011

Filed under: Relationships,Uncategorized — mshollandsthoughts @ 8:01 am

Isn’t it funny how the older your get the more you start to see things clearly. Yesterday I was hit  with a letter from someone from my past that I had been in love with for a long time and it was no secret that he treated me terrible. He wasn’t abusive but our relationship was very unhealthy. We had been friends since we were children and dated in high school but we ran into each other when we matured and formed a relationship. To make a long story short it wasn’t the ideal relationship. The relationship eventually got out of hand and we became like drugs to each other over 4 years. I would leave and constantly run back falling victim to the sweet talk and fleshy pleasures. Then one day after we’d spent time together, to find out that he turned around and spend the next day with someone else I’d finally had enough. It was like i’d hit rock bottom. I didn’t want to deal with the false hopes and leading me on to think that we could have a  future together. So for 2 years I cut him out of my life. He always remained in my thought process and in my heart. I mean how couldn’t he. We essentially grew up together. Although those feelings of wanting to be with him had faded I still kept him close to my heart. Regardless of the ill relationship that we had first and foremost he was a dear friend and I missed that relationship more than the physical part. He took care of me and my daughter when nobody else could. I appreciated that. I reached out to him and found out where he was located and started writing just to see how he was doing and that friendship was rekindled. Never did we speak of our tumultous relationship and I’d moved on and in my heart forgave him of the way he treated me. I still have no desire to rekindle a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend with him but recently I receive a message from him apologizing for how he was “such an asshole” to me and never thinking of my feelings. How he appreciated so much that I was never nagging him and I was always the calm in the storm. It’s crazy because as a woman you always think well what did I do wrong. In a nutshell he let me know that it was never me and that he wasn’t ready to be the man that I needed. Ladies to actually hear that for a first and it be in so much detail made me feel good but not in a arrogant or a I told you so way. I appreciated his honesty and him being able to come out after all this time and say that. It’s crazy because people really do come in our lives for a reason and the older I get I see that. I may not understand why some people are in my life but eventually it comes to me. What really touched me in the letter was that he hoped that he hadn’t hindered how I look at men. I can’t say that it was only him but the men that came before and after him. I have a hard time trusting men, because just when you think you can trust someone, you can’t. Which I know that issue started with my father. I keep my distance with him because he can not be trusted to keep his word. Trust is something I have to work on and I know when the right person come along I’ll be able to trust him.

Isn’t it crazy how people come out of the woodworks??? Or some people say skeletons fall out of your closets!!! Everything happens in life for a reason!


One Response to “my thoughts”

  1. ur cuz Says:

    Wow is all I can say!

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